Monday, September 19, 2011

Iris’s Kattebelletjes

(The meaning of kattebelletjes is scribbles)

Every day I have many thoughts. Many good thoughts. Many amazing thoughts even. But I do not take the time to note them down, because I made up the belief I am too busy to stop ten minutes to sit down, open my computer and do it.

Mark has told me regularly over the last months: “Gosh Iris. You should share this with the readers of the blog, they would love it.” I would nod and then let go. Too busy was my excuse.

Over the summer Beliefmakers has been on a holiday schedule. This meant that our authors could write, but that there would be no schedule and there was nothing expected. What happened is that most of us took a break, except Mark! Knowing that he is so much busier than I, I slowly started to look a bit more at myself. What were my habits, what were my wants, what were my goals, what were my actions etc.

I realized that I wasn’t that busy at all in specific hours of work or projects, but that I was just very busy managing me being busy and that I needed more and more time to recuperate from keeping me doing the things I wanted to do. I felt ten steps behind all the time (while I slowed my schedule down more and more) and finally I got to the point over the summer that I felt stuck and not able to balance the things I had.

I finally decided to follow up on Mark’s request for me to see the doctor and discuss with her ADD. I am not an “H” like Mark, but if you Google the ADD description online you will find a perfect characterization of me.

Right now I have been taken ADD medication for three weeks and I am so grateful that Mark asked me to talk with the doctor. My moods have balanced, my thoughts have calmed and cleared, my actions have improved. I am no longer looking for my keys every morning. I do no longer drive to the wrong family for work. I have become aware of dishes and dirty clothes. I now check in with my husband to see if he wants something to drink or jI might walk by to give him a kiss, instead of spacing out on him. Mark says I became aware of the world again. I surely feel I am the best of myself right now in a new unknown way. This is the first time in my life I seem to be able to multi task, and that's very exciting.

And so, halfway September I feel I am ready again to share stories with you. And instead of completely rounded stories my idea is to share with you short ten minute writings about whatever comes to mind. I am back from my summer break and am looking forward sharing with you.



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