Saturday, May 7, 2011

Talking About Sex....

My friend Mark K. left a message on my answering machine asking why I didn't post more blogs or comment as frequently as I used to.

The short answer is: I've been busy.

I've been busy because of work (which isn't new and it hasn't prevented me from posting before.) I've been busy with sex (which is new) and for some reason I didn't feel like blogging about it.

For four years I didn't have sexual intercourse. So starting to be sexually active has been quiet a change. Not only did I break the no-sex spell (which in itself is quite interesting), but I also started having Tantric sex (including full body orgasms and other interesting stuff), AND I started to engage in circles of polyamorous people.

I have openly blogged about my ADHD, about feeling suicidal, about being molested; why would it be difficult to blog about SEX? It's not that I'm totally shy about sex although I used to be. I used to be so shy that I could not say out-loud, "I want to have good sex!"

I once had a teacher who tried to help me pronounce this desire and he had to say it for me: "I want to have good sex!"

Well guess what? I changed that. I can now ask for sex. I can talk about what I think is good sex, what I want to do and what my limits are.

Last weekend I was discussing how to give blow jobs without neck tension. Laying between his legs giving a blow job while maintaining eye-contact often leads to neck-tension that results in very bad headaches. I learned some very interesting details on "deep-throating."

So, why I did not find it natural to share it in this forum? Why indeed; it all goes back to of my default behavior: trying to fit in.

When I joined this forum, I enjoyed a group of people who wanted to learn, share and grow, who wanted to be authentic, who wanted to be happier. I felt it was OK to share my experiences from the playroom, or on how to reach a goal (such as finishing a marathon), but sex that was out-of-bounds.

Actually the sex I 've had over the last three-to-four months has been outrageously good; it has increased the levels of oxytocin and dopamin in my brain and made me feel extremely happy. It has highlighted behaviors that I want to change. Importantly, it has brought up some of my deepest traumas and helped me to work through them.

Focusing on and practicing sex has been deeply beneficial, and it has been a true adventure in happiness. If the topic is OK with you, I would love to share more.

Love and horniness,
Joy

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