Wednesday, May 25, 2011

NOTICE: A Belief-Makers Alert

It's just come to my attention that the vast majority of the population is unskilled at the use of chopsticks with the opposite hand, i.e., right-handed people tend to fail chopstick proficiency-exams when using their left hands and vice versa.

Rather than ranting about the obvious failures of our education systems, I decided to take action to correct this tapestry of education by declaring Saturday and Sunday (and Monday for you Americans) to be International Opposite-handed Awareness Weekend.

"What is International Opposite-handed Awareness Weekend?", you ask. Well I'm not sure, but I think it's about getting in touch with all the neglected portions of our intellects (and extensions thereof) that are perfectly useful but have been somehow discarded and forgotten (or worse, actively avoided).

Anyway, heres the deal, to celebrate IOAW all you need to do is switch hands when you use chopsticks this weekend.

What, you don't use chopsticks?

My goodness, IOAW is even more important than I first believed. If you're an exclusive employer of steel-based eating utensils (versus wood-based), then the first step is to abandon steel for the duration of the event and employ only wood to eat. If in fact you are NOT facile with chopsticks in EITHER hand (and I can't even believe this is a condition), then don't worry about opposite-handedness (you can save that for next year). Instead, simply use whichever hand feels most comfortable and, by all means, DO NOT use knife, fork, spoon or fingers.

If you're reasonably adept at the use of chopsticks with one or other hand, then all you need do is NOT use that hand.

Believe me, IOAW is a good thing, an important event, a timely event, perhaps a just-in-timely event. By all means, please help spread the word because an opposite-hand is a terrible thing to waste.

Thank you for you attention. We now return you to your regularly scheduled post.

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