Sunday, April 17, 2011

Falling from Grace

I piled a whole bunch of pillows behind my back– four to be precise – and buried myself under the thick green white covered blankets. I was so cold, that it took a long time for me to warm up. I listened to the clock tick slowly. I could not bring myself to do anything. Even turning from back to side was too much.

My throat throbbed and my head spun, while sweating in my bed that Sunday afternoon. There was a dizzying pressure behind my eyes and nose, as if the bone had contracted and given my brains less space. Life was continuing outside, I could hear some trucks and airplanes pass along, but for me time seemed to blend in.

I had called in sick a couple of hours earlier and I felt guilty about it. I felt so guilty that I felt compelled to write about it between my fever naps. I wrote about falling from grace. To become sick the night after a fabulous birthday party, cannot be called sick, it’s called lazy. That’s what I heard growing up, and it ‘s one of the beliefs I kept, because it keeps me jumping out if bed after a night of fun. Now it was payback time. Holding on to this belief meant that I was lazy and not sick. I dealt with it by accepting I was lazy that day. And when it had not disappeared by Monday, I decided that maybe I hadn’t been lazy, and maybe this was one of those rare instances that I truly was sick.

The other thing I wrote down that first feverish afternoon was:

Power of little words: write simple in your own voice.

Reading this sentence back, I was first in awe by the sentence. Did I come up with that? Then I realized that it was short hand. I read a book called “Power of Little Words”, in which they advocate to write simple short sentences in your own voice as a way to make your text understandable for others.

And this rang true to me. It also made me think again about why a person writes. Do we write to get a story of our chest? Do we write to have someone else understand something? Do we do both?

For me, when this blog started I wrote because I wanted the reader to get a better understanding of beliefs and the power that comes when you take ownership of them. I wasn’t a writer, but started to write to get my message out. Now I write every day. But it’s no longer focused on what I believe the reader wants to hear; it’s focused on recovering a story untold. Sometimes I write complete articles, more often I write pieces of articles. In my feverish state I even started a book.

Like Faith, I am at a loss at this point about what to share on this blog, and what to keep for my Thursday night writer buddies. But, if you keep on hanging in, I will figure it out!

Suggestions surely welcome!

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