Saturday, February 12, 2011

Names, Nicknames and tantranames

We all have a name - some of us have more than one. Most people appreciate when we remember their names

When people are expecting a child they often spend a lot of time considering what name to call them. A lot of feelings are attached with the name. "David, you want to call your son David, I used to know a boy called David, he was dirty, holes in his trouseres, nobody ever wanted to play with him

- and yet many people don't reflect on their names: we hear it so often, our name, but do we stop and reflect on "this my name - why is this a perfect name for me?"

My christian name.
My mum spent a lot of time thinking about what to call me. It had been so easy chosing a name for my sister, she was to be called Helle, but me... this was more difficult.

She ended up chosing Anita. Anita Clausen.

Anita is spanish and means Little Anna - and Anna means beautiful.

My mum didn't know this. But it was a good name: I rarely met anyone else called Anita and yet it wasn't so unusual so I didn't have to spell or explain the name. I never felt particularly beautiful or particularly small. I was usually "mid size" and among the strongest.

When my parents got divorced, my mum took back her maiden name - and my sister got the same. Later I followed - exchanging "Clausen " for "Vigh Strand".

Doing this some of my energy changed.

At the time it felt like "growing up". I had always wanted to be "daddy's girl" - or maybe daddy's little boy, but after he molested me when I was 9 he withdrew from me. Letting go of his familyname felt like letting go of wanting his attention - wanting something that he was not able or willing to give me.
As I think back, there was more to the energy change. My dad grew up on a farm - my mum grew up in the city. Somehow "Clausen" was related to the farmer-boy. "Vigh Strand" was from the city girl - and from my grand dad's family. My grand dad died before I was 2 and I never new much about his family, but now I feel an urge to look into it to understand where it comes from.

A new first name.
After years of depression I wanted a change - I wanted to be more happy. To make this stronger I took the name Joy during a training in Happiness. After the training I tried the name with new friends - and it worked, step by step I became more happy - more free. Officially I took the name Joyce - there were more grace to Joyce than to Joy.
Some people get suspicious when you tell them that you've taken a new name - they ask if you went to a numerologist - and they ask with a look on their face which shows anything but approval.
Some people believe that the name you were given by your parents is sacred - and it is not meant to be changed.
Some people believe that changing your name means that you are taking care of yourself and they smile and see it as a good thing.

Nick names:
As a child I had 2 nicknames: my dad called me A-tina, which is just his way of putting things upside-down.
My girlfriend called me "Nitte-grin" the first part coming from Anita-Nita-Nitte. The second part is danish for "Laugh". I never asked if it came from me smiling and laughing a lot - or from her laughing when she was around me. I think that the later makes sense. I'm sure she laughed more when I was around.

My tantric Name:
My tantric name is Frak Starbuck. We are not supposed to discuss our names, but they are given to us by the group, and represent something the group sees.

Frak is an expression from the mini-serie Battlestar Galactica, replacing the word F#@k .

Starbuck is one of the main characters in the series.

I had never much watched sci-fi movies - but was curious about why they gave me the name. I've now seen all 4 seasons of Battlestar Galactica, and it has been amazing. I like the characters and there are some good quotes. But mostly I've been amazed about how much Starbuck resembles me. The people who gave me the name had only known me for 3 days and yet they gave me a name that is so me.

I have used the experience to reflect on my behaviors, my reasons. Watching the movie knowing that someone thought I was like Starbuck gave me a way of seeing myself from the outside. And it's been good. Somehow it has given me a new way of seeing myself, to see my uniqueness, see where I'm different from other people. I'm not perfect - I'm far from being "perfect" - but I'm me. And I have come to a more profound feeling of self-acceptance.

Lets play with names:

Look at the people around you: which names would you give them if they didn't have a name yet, and why?

If you were to give them a name such as a character from a movie or from history, what would it be.

Do not give yourself a name - but ask people around you which name they would give you.

I invite you to join "the name game" and to share what it brings to you.

Joy fracking Starbuck

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