Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Hurry up and "Get It"!

I am so excited by the inspirational blogs I have read over the past few days.  I have been anti-blogging/ blogger/ bloggiest  for a while as I judged myself for not blogging and once I let that go....  how amazing the blogs have been.  Ok, so here goes....  I have been thinking...  what really is the master plan?  You see, I have this belief that we continue to experience life until we have learned everything we need to learn to be fully "actualized" in the spiritual world.  Each life experience is designed to promote reflection and learning and we will be continually challenged by life experiences until we "get it".  My problem is that I now have a fear that as a result of my "not getting it" the experiences are getting increasingly challenging and if I don't "get it" soon, I'm not sure I can handle the next experience.

My wonderful family moved to the beautiful Berkshires about two and half years ago.  We moved because I thought I found my "dream job".  A role where I could use my talents to make the world a better place.  What a crock....  That didn't work out so my first thought was "ok, I guess I'm not getting it yet.".  The next noteworthy experience was when our son miraculously taught himself how to swim.  You see, we moved into a house that had the pool fenced into the house.  We were beyond paranoid about safety locks on the doors and alarms on the pools to be sure our 6-year-old son with autism didn't go into the pool unattended.  Sure enough, within weeks of moving in, my husband and I bumped into each other in the kitchen and simultaneously said, "where's David?". Within a minute, David walked into the house, fully dressed, but drenched from head to toe.  We have no idea how he got into the pool or more importantly how he got out but... a miracle happened that day.  My first thought... "oh my God, thank you, and what am I not getting?"

Then, there is November 1, 2010.  The day our house burnt down and another David miracle.  For those of you new to these blogs, some common behaviors amongst children with autism are strong attachments to objects and constant repetitious behaviors.  Many people refer to them as "stims" or "isms".  One of David's current "isms" is repetitiously playing games on the computer.   On this beautiful Monday morning, David was "isming" on the computer while I was at work and dad was in the basement working on a project.  Dad came upstairs when he heard the smoke alarms going off to find the counter where David was "isming" on the computer ablaze.  David had moved himself about 15 feet away and was reading a book quietly on the couch in the family room.  After my heart broke thinking about a child who may or may not have understood what was happening but couldn't or didn't ask for help, my next thought was "ok, now I really know I am not getting it".  David, our miracle child who has taught us so much about life, has now almost died twice in his seven years.  I really wish I would hurry up and "get it".

Do you believe in a "master plan"?
Do you believe that life is full of lessons that need to be learned?
Have you ever had déjà vu and wondered if you experienced this "lesson" in a previous life?
Any thoughts on what I should be "getting"?

Love to all,


  1. Hey Kathy,
    Thank you! I loved your post. My first thought (fully-loaded with existential bias) is this: the most important thing to get is that there's nothing to get.

    Of course, I didn't always think this way. I used to totally hang myself up on uncovering the underlying meaning or message to be found in any event, and then really knot my brain trying to reconcile multiple events, some of which seemed to be bound by common threads and others which not only had nothing in common, but also seemed to point in other directions.

    The main problem for me was that once I had a hunch as to what the message might be, I started filtering out data to the contrary. Before I knew it, I was absolutely certain that a specific event happened for a reason and that it was my duty to discover what the reason was.

    I'm now of the mind that all the reasons come from within. They may link to what you were taught as a child. They may play to a sense of underlying guilt and what you "should" be doing. They may tie to religion or spirituality. They may rooted in a sense of "higher calling".

    It's these underlying sensibilities and desires that cause the events to carry meaning. Without them, an event is just an event.

    It would seem then that, to find the meaning, to "get it", simply requires you to look at the areas of your life where you're experiencing internal conflict, where your actions and beliefs are at odds, or where you're trying to simultaneously maintain contrary beliefs.

    I believe it's the conflict that causes the events to appear to contain meaning. Root out the conflict and voila!

    What do you think?


  2. Kathy: so great to have you back, and thanks for your two wonderful blogs so far. Certainly sounds like you’re having some unique experiences :-).

    I have a couple thoughts on the points you raised, but they are more suggestions of perspective. You started out by saying “You see, I have this belief that ...”. If you have indeed identified this as a belief you hold, I suggest that you take it further. Lay this belief on the table in front of you, gaze at it lovingly for a while, follow its tentacles as far as you can trace them - how it came about, how it’s being supported, how it has served you in the past, what it implies for your future, etc.

    The other thing that caught my attention is the hidden power certain sentence constructions can exert. For instance, take Tef’s line: “the most important thing to get is that there’s nothing to get”. The “to get” phrase is actually a contraction. Fully expanded, it might go like this:
    “The most important thing I want you to get is that there’s nothing available to get”, or maybe
    “The most important thing I want you to get is that there’s nothing you have to get”

    All the “to (verb)” phrases carry similarly directive import. Our ubiquitous TO-DO lists – what are they really? WANT to do lists? HAVE to do lists? GET to do lists? HATE to do lists?
    So if find yourself asking after a particularly trying event, “What is there for me TO GET from this”?, rephrasing it in a more transparent manner might take you in different directions:
    “What is there that is AVAILABLE for me to get?”
    "What CAN I get from this?"
    "What SHOULD I get from this?"
    "What WILL I get from this?"

    If you’re using the “supposed to” or “should” constructions (What am I supposed to get? Or What should I get?), those are more obvious. Who’s the one supposing and should-ing you?


  3. With tears of gratitude overflowing, I thank you Mark and Sree. Love, Kathy

  4. Once as Isaiah ran outside to get something from the car across the street, He noticed the oncoming driving honking him agressively. He hurried all teh more to our car and opened it, the oncoming car zooming by. Then he felt someone touch him. It was Jay (9 at the time, ASD.) I got that he's really supposed to be with us, in our family, during this time, that the universe, the angels must really be one top of thier game keeping him here. I also got that I really want a big yard and a looong driveway. I got that I was scared of being inattentive and failing to keep him safe. I got that his safety is not completely dependent on what Isaiah or I did. I got a deep sense of gratitude at having Jay in our lives. I get that he could have been hurt but he WASN'T. Neither was David.

    I really get that David is a wonderful gift with a feast of opportunities to get things, and give things, to love, to let go of things, to embrace other things...

  5. Kathy, you inspire me so much. Hope all is well and Thank you for everything. You are amazing =)


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