Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Blessed

Hearing the faint patter of rain on the second floor skylight, between the title and typing this text, I pick up my laptop, walk over to the chair by the sliding glass door and open it, just to hear the rain and to feel the cool ocean air.

I am blessed.

Yesterday was hard. Harder than any I can recall. Not so much due to the activity, but instead to all the surround, all the external crap that fights to crowd out what's right in front of me. The injustices and wrongs committed by sociopathic bullies whom I'd sometimes like to squash like bugs, to reach into my little armory of data and intellect and hit the button, but have determined to love instead.

Yesterday, I wasn't too good at the love part. So rather than love, I used restraint. Love is easy. Restraint is hard.

Yesterday was hard.

And yet, some really cool things happened. Things that I hadn't really noticed until I sat down and started typing.

I am blessed.

Sitting here in Jonathan's place, Iris asleep upstairs, the cool softness of rain falling outside and the warmth of the blanket over my shoulders is... umm... wonderful is the wrong word... it's serene, and as I type, it's becoming blissful.

I am blessed.

I used to look for and anticipate finding that one person who would "get it". I imagine all of us do that in some way at some time. For me, the "It" came in the form of rapid repartee, economy of words, and joint exploration of new ideas and concepts. Jamming.

The problem I had was wanting someone who could jam on everything, on mountain biking and running, on software and technology, on music, on writing, on art, on cooking, on photography... Well not everything, just my everything. Because I was looking for the "One", I missed all the "ones".

Since I stopped looking for the individual One, I've been finding the collective One, the One that far exceeds my expectations. The One that meets me on all fronts, jams with me, challenges me, and teaches me.

I am blessed.

Ten years ago, I was someone else. I'd bought in. I'd decided to play the game and go for the win. I traveled the US, Europe and Asia espousing the virtues of one company's Internet technology. Talking to Wall Street analysts. Working on mergers and acquisitions. Leaving the acquiring company to found my own technology startup. Raising venture capital. Recruiting talent. Pitching it. Talking it up. Selling it. My whole life was spin, spinning and being spun. And I was good at it.

Seven years ago, I walked away from it to live a spin-free life. Spin-free is free.

I am blessed.

I am blessed with three kids who've managed miraculously to become exceptional adults that I admire and respect.

I am blessed with a wife who is the best individual "one" I could ever hope to find.

I am blessed with an eclectic array of friends who are diverse in interests, passionate in their pursuits, challenging, loving, kind and fun. My collective "One" is infinitely better than the "One" I might have designed.

I am blessed with No Room for Jello and Will Power and Jenny's Writing Jam (JWJ), outlets for creativity that I'd only dreamed of.

I am blessed with work, more blessed than I can manage right now, but I'll figure it out.

Today may be hard, but it will be a good hard.

Happy Tuesday,
Teflon

6 comments:

  1. Of the multitude of research studies showing all the benefits of practicing gratitude, I remember one that added, as a footnote, that there was no benefit to doing it too frequently. I think it said once a week was frequent enough. Personally I happen to disagree; I don't see any downside to having an almost-constant buzz from counting your blessings daily.

    Tef, I feel fortunate that I get to share in the insights coming from your blessed life.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I'm blessed with... a CEO who wants things in a way which takes longer time to produce and which on average is poorer than the faster solution- but which does fit to his one example.... I gotta love it!!!
    I'm also blessed with partners and customers who listens to my recommondations... and who challenges me when it makes sense...

    And me too, I am blessed with a lot of work...

    ReplyDelete
  3. I think you might add that you are blessed to have found a way to be a blessing to those around you, which is how all of us who are blessed to know you regard you - and how we talk about you behind your back....

    ReplyDelete
  4. I've been keeping a gratitude journal for years. Five things. Every night. Sometimes when I've had a day like your monday, I can't bear to look at that notebook because I am so disconnected from my gratitude, so overwhelmed by the "surround" and the "spin" that I have spent the entire day blind to my ample blessings and I just ain't feelin' it -- but the cool thing is, even though I feel a bit like a dutiful liar when I begrudgingly begin my list of blessings, by the time I get to #5, I've cracked the window open just enough that I know I won't suffocate on the stench of my own exhaust. Which is, in itself, a blessing!

    Anyway, You might be surprised how often you and Iris appear on my gratitude list. And how deep and sincere my gratitude is for your presence in my life ... and Quinn's life. Isn't there an Irish Proverb that goes something like, "When I count my blessings, I count you twice"?
    Either way, I do. I do.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Wow, I'm even more blessed than I thought.

    Sree, I imagine the studies treat blessedness as a finite commodity. They must be funded by the pharmaceutical companies. You are indeed a blessing to me. Thank you for you kind words, your beautiful and touching prose, and your thoughtful and easy consideration. You're amazingly expressive for an engineer. Shit, you're amazingly expressive period!

    Joy, Iris and I talk frequently about how easy it is to be with you and how we'd love to make that more frequent. Denmark ain't just down the block, but I'd love to figure out a way to shorten the distance. Maybe it's time to work on time travel.

    Will, man, I feel like I've known you for years and yet we're just getting started. I'm not big on destiny, fate and the like, but I'm starting to think there may be more to it than I think. I'm excited to see what the universe has percolating for us. You should hear all the things Iris and I say behind your back...

    QuinnMama, I can't begin to express my appreciation for you. Even as I write this I'm realizing that I often limit my expression of gratitude simply because I feel insufficient or inept. I've learned so much from you for which I haven't yet found words. It's not that you teach me things or stuff or techniques or methods; you expand my basic awareness. See, inept, but I'm going to keep trying.

    Thank you!

    ReplyDelete
  6. I have no words. My heart is full of gratitude for the life you live that you generously make available to anyone who wants to read, watch, partake of in whatever way. I so appreciate the bits I see. I can't describe the blessing to me...

    ReplyDelete

Read, smile, think and post a message to let us know how this article inspired you...