Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Who's to Blame?

For the last eight days I have been on antibiotics because a tick generously exchanged some of his bodily fluids with me. I developed a bright red itchy rash that you could spot from a mile away. The antibiotics upset my stomach a bit, my intestines are extra sensitive and I feel more tired then usual. Other than that I am doing just fine. I am focused at work, I am running and I am getting lots of things done. (Can you hear it! There is something else coming.) But...

There are times when my language sounds more colorful than usual. Normally I exhibit some impatience and irritation once a month related to hormones. However, the antibiotics have clearly helped me tap into a deeper region of pure raw emotion. And I feel like letting it out. Sharing it. No sugar coating. No hand holding. Just putting it on the table. Your table...

Challenges Part Three
While writing the third post in my series on facing challenges (that will be posted this Sunday, September 5, 2010) I realized that I probably would have three categories of reader:
  1. The readers for whom the third article is the first one read.
  2. The readers who read the first two articles and decided to do nothing more than read.
  3. The readers who decided to take action.
I decided to refer the first group back to the previous posts before reading the third. I decided to allow the third group to read the third post. And for you who are in the second group, I'm writing the following...

So this is for you, the mental-masturbators whose only participation in this practical exercise designed to help you take your control of your life and create a better world for yourself, your loved ones and your community, is to read about it.

(I'm thinking to myself, I'm really going to have to rework this post. Perhaps better not to post it.)

OK, maybe I'm just just too tired right now. But I'm fed up with adults who want to be led by the hand as if they were five years old crossing a busy street. Hmm... Let me be more specific: I would not mind taking them by the hand if they would express at least the maturity level of a five year old who wanted to cross the street. I'm just done with “But I can’t do it!" and "What if it doesn't work out?" and " I really want to, but...” In fact, a straight forward, "Look, I just don't want to do..." would be quite refreshing.

Mark Kaufman
My dear friend Mark is traveling in Europe right now. The other day we were talking and he said that he really liked my first article on facing challenges, Let it melt like chocolate. He said that the article had smacked him upside the head, that I had made facing challenge so easy and straight forward that there was no one else to blame but Mark Kaufman for challenges not conquered (or more specifically, not faced). Hmmm... I am not a blaming kind of person (blaming others or yourself), but, hmmm...

OK, if by blaming we mean taking ownership then let's go with blame:
No one other than YOU can begin the process of facing YOUR challenge.
When YOU positively take on a new challenge, you can find help along the way and it will actually be useful. However, when you resist the challenge, walking in reluctantly or blaming others for what you have to do, then... well... you're likely going to drift aimlessly in the world of misery for a long time to come. A misery that you'll happily share with others while wasting the time of would-be helpers.

Ahhhh.... I'm beginning to feel a bit better already.

Then I thought about some recent email conversations that I automatically received in my email box. The first person made a statement about wanting sex to be part of handicapped life and asked people for feedback. The next person responded by asking some clarifying questions, questions that seemed helpful to me, but that were totally dismissed by the originator of the conversation. Instead of looking specifically at his wants and how to fulfill them, he preferred to indulge himself in a fantasy world of Hollywood love. He asked for help, but he really only wanted others to listen to his rantings.

What the f@&k do you do with people like that people who say they want to help themselves, but then do nothing to help themselves? The what-the-f@&k part is what I'm feeling as I write. However, it slowly starts to subside now that I'm putting my thoughts into words. So, let me ramble on and get this out of my system.

When I started this blog, I thought I did it from a place of love and compassion for you, the reader. I wanted to share myself with you so you could use me as an examples of how things could be. I grew up in a battered household. My growing up involved lots of crying, drunken people, and other things unwished for. But this didn’t hold me back. It didn’t keep me down. I didn’t get stuck but decided to move on. Moving and changing is what made my life one big adventure.

I'm beginning to see clearly that I'm writing this post for me. Of course, I hope that you might find my rantings useful or at least entertaining. However, this post was born of my desire to express myself and by doing so practice, create and learn. By expressing myself clearly and openly, I begin to clearly see my opportunities for change and how to go about them.

Where does your finger of blame point most often? Is it always someone's or something's fault that you can't do what you want? What the f&@k? Stop it! It’s time to get over yourself, move beyond blame and take action. Get off your lazy ass and and start kicking some. Look at yourself for a change, and then stop blaming (even yourself). Just do something.

Do you walk around with the weight of the world on your shoulders? Aaawww... there... there...

What the f&@k! Stop it! Read some of Katie Byron’s books, and learn that there’s YOUR stuff and OTHER PEOPLE’s stuff. Then start taking care of YOUR stuff (and ONLY YOUR stuff).

OK, I am done. I feel so much better now.


  1. I LOOOOOOVE You, Iris!!!

    I don't know about the blame stuff - but I realised something extremely important to me while reading this.

    I usualy have a long list of "want to do"- stuff - and I decide to focus of a few. BUT I tend to talk about the stuff which is next on the list. So if I focus on 1-5 I'll talk about 6-10. This will a) give other people the impression that I am not acting on my wants, since I'm talking about stuff that I aint doing b) make it difficult to get help on the stuff I focus on, since I'm just doing it, not talking about it.
    Thanks, thanks, thanks - you are such a blessing!

  2. Ahhh... sweetness and light. Iris, I love when you get all kick-ass.


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