Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Where to Meet a Partner

I used to believe that Sheffield, MA, USA would be the perfect place to meet a new partner. The reason was that the philosophy I learned there has become very important to me, and I want to have a partner who doesn't believe that we "need" each other, as in "we can't live or breathe" without each other or as in "if we break up I'll be unhappy forever and ever."

I want a partner who believes that love is a choice--that we all can chose to be happy or unhappy for our own reasons. I also want a partner who is open to look at and explain his behaviours to himself and to me.

Over a three and half year period, I spent nineteen weeks in Sheffield in some thirteen programs. Over that period, I have dated two guys whom I met at there. They were both nice guys, but neither of them was (each for their own reason) interested in pursuing a long term relationship with me. (Sorry, Brian, I didn't count you among the dating guys as you know, I only went on the date to get your list...).

I guess it's time to change my strategy.

I have actually thought about creating a class focused on how to find a partner. One of the exercises I imagined involved defining all the places you could possibly find a new partner, and specifying all the reason each of these places would be perfect.

A Friend of a Friend
This is one of my favorites: if I know and like my friends there are chances that I would also like the friends of my friends.

So maybe I should add to any invitation I send out: Please bring a single friend.

And if I need to expand I could ask: please bring a great friend and ask that friend to bring a single friend.

To those of you who think that I should add bring a single MALE friend, I have to say: this is no time for restrictions! Who knows? The right woman might inspire me to change my preferences?

Through Sports
I love sports - especially outdoor sports - and I would absolutely see it as a bonus to be able to do sports with a partner. In many sports you might be wearing clothes that reveal your body shape, and that does make some people more attractive.

If not, at least you know it.

At Work
I remember an episode in Friends that involved hiring an assistant. The woman hiring had a preference for this nice, good-looking and under-qualified male.... That may be a way to go...

Or I try some of our customers...

To be honest, the best way to meet a partner at work would be working in a big corporation that allows dating, setting up a business with a potential partner (sligthly risky), or going to many training courses and seminars...

At School
Much better than at work.

How about doing an MBA just for the sake of spending long hours doing homework with your co-students?

The Internet
There are SO many dating sites. There must be billions of people looking for the perfect love.

How about setting up a dozen profiles showing different sides of yourself and seeing who they attract?

The Supermarket
You might shake your head, but it is actually possible to meet someone at the market You can screen for people with healthy eating habits. Hey, check out the guy with all the organic vegetables...

Buses, Trains and Planes
If it's the local bus you get the advantages of someone living nearby. If it's the plane you get longer time with the guy in the next-seat (and it's difficult for him to escape), so you have plenty time to find your common interests... What about incorporating a dating site into seat selection?

Singles Clubs
If you take the time you can do anything from mountain biking, dining to seminars with other singles.

Speed-dating, Running Dinners
If you don't want to waste your time you could try the speed-dating (which I have heard can be very efficient). The running dinners concept is for people who are willing to spend a full evening on meeting Mr/Ms perfect.

The Zoo
I don't suggest you date Mr Bear or Ms Lion, but the Zoo is the perfect place to spot single dads. [You can meet the single mums at the local football club (or whatever sport is a male sport in your country) where women only come to support their kids when there is not a daddy around to do it.]

Not only do you get to check out their kids, but they get to check you out as well. If the kids like you, you're way ahead of the game.

So Why Have I Not Been Successful Lately?
As menitoned in ealier blogs, I have spent a lot of time being tired; this has kept me from doing sports. It also kept me from many social activities. When I finally do show up, I'm often too tired to engage with the people around me.

I love spending time with my friends one-on-one. This leaves little room for meeting their friends who could be possible new partners.

Spending my Saturdays in the playroom has been great and at times we have spent a lot of TALKING about dating, but the closest this has come to an actual date was when we decided to chat with the neighbor, a tennis coach my age.

My last holiday was a silent retreat, other holidays include running marathons (at a speed so slow that all the attractive men were home long before I reached the finish line) and spending time in a monastery (lots of men, but...)

I guess that it doesn't take much research to understand that I do have behaviors that are not conducive to finding a partner. I do also have behaviors linked to my personality that might be worth changing, but those are for another blog; we're talking about places.

So Where Do I Look Next?
Well first of all, I have joined a running club and when I get in better shape, I will be running with a group that includes men.

I am going on holiday in south of France with a girlfriend who has "promised" to help me find a nice guy and she has also promised that there will be other than french people (in my experience there are not many self-reflective Frenchmen).

Since it's summer time, I could spend time in the local parks, or even better, the parks downtown where I might meet some nice tourists.

And to all followers of the blog, drop me a mail or a comment if you have an idea for a date or a place to look for it.

Where will I go today?


  1. Joy, I really like the school idea. From what I've seen, perhaps the most important selection criterion and greatest benefit of a business school is networking: who will you meet and interact with. People in business school often form lifelong relationships. So why not find a partner there?

  2. I'll try the running club first - I'm not yet prepared to give up my playroom time or my teaching so I don't see how I could make the time for the business school yet, but I could start checking out the schools and I could try if offering coaching to the students could be a way...

  3. If signing up for an MBA is too much of a commitment, maybe there are options to take one-off classes or just audit some for enrichment, etc.

  4. well,it's all make-belief, but...
    Does the one off class provide the same opportunity for bonding as the full MBA?

    Taking different one off classes could mean meeting more people (+), but isn't it a strong parameter to interact over time?

  5. Perhaps a one-off class doesn't provide the opportunity afforded by fulltime enrollment, but I bet it provides about a gazillion percent more opportunity than the playroom.... (or whatever number something divided by zero is)

  6. hmmm - In theori I do agree - but I have met more possible dates through my playroom than through the business trainings I've done the last 10 yrs - but I haven't done a mba yet... do we have different experiences or ...?


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