Thursday, July 1, 2010

I see you

I sat having lunch with a friend, a member of Jaedon's team, an incredibly intuitive person that is so HUGE in her presence and yet does not demand much of my emotional space at all. One of our many topics of conversation was that of choosing to have energy giving people in our lives. Being with an energy giver is like having a dance partner that fits you, like listening to music that just works for you. It's harmonious, not bumping into each other, no stepping on/over protruding feet. In this energy giving moment, this person gets you.

This idea of getting someone is something I try to teach Jaedon's team as an umbrella principle (really big picture, more important than tips for sustaining eye contact).  Many of our volunteers have aspirations of working with kids on the autism spectrum full time and getting paid for it.  I am often offering thoughts on how to make this happen. The more I engage this process, the more I believe these 4 things:

  • kids know when people get them
  • parents know when people get their kids
  • parents will hock the family jewels to pay for people who get their kids
  • getting kids has nothing to do with your formal education
I think this 'getting' is the same concept in the movie Avatar, when Neytiri said I see you to Jake, even though he wasn't in his Na'vi body.  I want to surround myself with people who want to see me and I want to be about my life really seeing others.

How does this seeing work?  Well, our playroom is my laboratory so I will tell you from that perspective.  I start to really see Jay when I do a few things:
  • I turn off my internal chatter, especially my thoughts about the past and the future. There will be time for that later.
  • I turn my 'wanting something' energy off in that moment.  
  • I direct energy towards gratitude for the moment we are sharing
  • I direct energy towards curiosity, understanding and appreciation
Those switches take a fraction of a second to do, and I feel the change in my own body.  I can't describe it, but something shifts, and I feel like a source of calm and power, strong and grounded.  I'm sure Jaedon feels it too.  It reminds me of Jackie Chan in the latest Karate Kid when he encouraged Dre to learn stillness.  He commented that being still and doing nothing are two different things.  In those still moments, I can hold on to my wanting again.  Wanting feels comfortably energizing for me, when it is in the presence of loving, sharing, gratitude and their other relatives.  

While I process the notion of my allowing people to drain my energy (I'll write about that next time), I'm setting an intention today be an energy giver.   Like my son with autism, when you have mastered a skill with one person, you can challenge yourself to integrate 2-3 others.   I'll widen the laboratory from the playroom to entire home, stepping it up to getting 4 other people today.

Off to start the Clarke homeschool academy day! Here is my personal assertion:  I offer nurturing, appreciative, respectful and loving energy towards the individuality expressed in those I interact with today.  I will direct my energy towards gettting them, not demanding that they get me.

Who are you going to see today?


  1. Faith - Sometimes inspiration whacks you over the head when and from where you least expect it. You are a joy and a blessing in both my life and Andy's as you inspire me to a better version of me with him than I sometimes find on my own. Thank you.
    Love always,

  2. Faith, Thank you. I'm just considering how the world would change if we never said or did anything with, to or for someone until we first saw them and got them.

  3. 'Getting' somebody is most intriguing, Faith; I'm not sure if I've ever used that term or concept before. Let me try it on here... I'm coming up with the following as a definition, or at least characterization, of getting a person:
    - being present
    - being other-focused (rather than me-focused)
    - wanting to understand the other person and accept them as they are in the moment
    - wanting to be useful for that person in some way, at least for now

  4. Sree -
    I really like your definition, especially tgat kast point.

  5. I guess that getting you or seeing you could be part of my definition for "true love".

    Thx Faith

  6. Wow, this is fun. I was thinking about "getting someone" in a different way.

    I know a lot of musicians for whom getting someone meant understanding their music (how they played and how they thought) well enough where you could improvise in the manner that the "got" person would improvise. Rather than playing what you would normally play, you would play what he would play.

    For me there are people with whom I seem to have a natural resonance. In these cases, we get each other, but it's more due to our being aligned. We're not so much getting each other as we are getting ourselves and projecting.

    The art of getting seems to be in fully understanding the perspective and thought patterns of someone completely different from myself.

  7. I like that last line Tef. I think getting someone is understanding them on an intuitive level: perhaps their thoughts, but more so their feelings, just how they are on the inside. I think there are some people that I naturally 'get' like Tef says, but the more deliberate effort is for people who at first (second, 20th) glance are just not aligned with me. So then getting them takes some study, takes me quieting my inner stuff, turning up love and gratitude, turning down wanting, etc... To Sree's earlier comment, the path to 'getting' is the attitudinal skills for me. They clear the way so I can really 'see' the person.

  8. Tef's comments are illuminating indeed - that getting involves the act of moving ourselves into the head of the other person, so to speak - seeing the world through their eyes (as much as it is possible for one to see through another's eyes). That process might go this way - see, connect, move towards, merge, align. And yes, Joy, attitudinal (interpersonal?) skills are certainly useful/needed on that path, especially the connection step.

    I think any helping we want to do is most effective *after* we've done the getting.

    It's really just like the Son-Rise program: enter their world first, then think about bringing them out to ours.

  9. One of the things that I've always found to be a strong motivator to get someone has nothing to do with love and acceptance, but instead simply believing that the person I don't get gets something that I don't get.

    As a rule of thumb it's nearly impossible to discern the person who's miles ahead of you from the person who's miles behind you. The only way to know is to actually "get into their heads" as Sree puts it and understand it from their perspective.

  10. "The person I don't get gets something I don't get". I like that! I'm taking it. I mix that with the loving respect because I can say that statement and easily add "and how stupid of them" since clearly the thing they get is somehow wrong, irrelevant,etc. Coming from the non-judgmental curious place has me adding "I'd love to get what they get".

    I love the comments! I could write an entire part 2!

  11. For me its an expression of creation. Vision, seeing, is volitional. Each makes up, determines the flavor, and precisely what they see.

    I've heard it shared how we, on this plane, are mostly 'deleation creatures,' conveniently not-seeing, because of our fears, of not being in control of how we experience the moments that comprise our lives.

    .....anyone else? <3 BW

  12. drawn to reviewing this intriguing thread again, and it occurs to me gets what they get, by our choice...the attitude, (up, down, sideways view,) one chooses delivers, determines what 'one gets' specifically.


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