Saturday, March 12, 2011

Best friends

I feel lucky oh so lucky - tonight I spent the evening with my best friend. She is the kind of friend who will never try to change me, which by no means means that she always agrees with me. No, she'll tell me that there could be other ways to see the world than through my lenses. Tonight we were enjoying the warm summer evening together. Drinking wine and a nice cup of tea. Sharing what was going on in our lives.
I used to live in walking distance, which made it easy to drop by at dinner time or for a late cup of tea. Now it takes 20 min by car - but it's still nice to drop by, and recently I have dicovered that I want to do it more often.

Yesterday I went picnicing by the sea with my best friend. We used to exchange dialogues once a week, often we would do dialogues while walking my dog. - or walking the dog and resting at a bench overlooking the lake - and then exchange dialogues. In each other's company we have been making decisions regarding work or relationships, health or future trainings - and we'll take up the dialogues again after the summer holidays. Yesterday we were relaxing in each other's company. Sitting at the beach, sharing a salad. Going for a walk - watching the sun set and the deer.
There is something special with the friendships I have which includes exchanging dialogues. We seem to be easy going in each other's company, laughing at our own shortcomings, knowing that we are always doing our best - and yet we have a lot of potential for change.

Last weekend I arranged a polterabend for my best friend: she literealy lives in the other end of the country - it is faster to go to Rome or Athens than it is to go visiting her. Actually, I just realised that it was cheaper to go to Paris than it was to get to her place - and yet I paid the price, to spend a wonderfull day with her. Wonderful to spend time talking about her past and about her upcoming wedding. - and about her slight doubts about the future husband - doubts which all disappeared as she explored them.
She was the one cheering me on at the New York Marathon. We went for the Exceptional woman program together - and Empower Yourself. I provide her with dialogues and she gives me laughter and coaching in return. She truly is a wonderfull girlfriend.

I have other friends - but what I wanted to illustrae is: I do not have ONE best friend. Actually : I never have - or at least I didn't have one best friend who stayed my best friend - and I hers - for decades..

As a child I wanted to be best friends with someone who already HAD a best friend - or someone who just wasn't interested in ME as their best friend. Other people wanted to be my best friend, but either I didn't recognise it or I just didn't want to be their best friends.

Right now I'm wondering:

What does it mean to be "best friends"?

How do you do best friends?

Do you do "best friends"? or do you "just" do friends? and if so what's the difference?

Last week I spoke to a friend, who at times has considered herself to be my best friend. She was surprised that I called to follow up on something important which was going on in her life. I realised that once I decide that someone is important to me, I really want to know what's happening in their life and I am trusting that they'll tell me.

To me that's not part of being best friends - that's just part of being friends.

So what IS best friends?

Tonight I realised that a best friend is someone I feel great with - I feel a connection based on reciprocial acceptance. It is someone who'll go out of their way for me - and me for them.

I used to think that you could just have one best friend - and it could only be a best friend if you were their best friend. Tonight I changed that belief. I have many "best friends" - and it is not essential if I am their best friend. I'm just very blessed to have them in my life.

What is your definition of a best friend?

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