Friday, May 7, 2010

Holding On, Letting Go

What do you do when your life changes suddenly? When the pace goes from a slowly meandering creek to a rushing torrent? Do you float with the waves seeing where they will take you? Do you paddle to go faster? Do you drop your anchor to grab the river bed and hold your position? Do you leap from your boat into the boat of someone else?

I must say that the pace of my life is anything but slow. People who know Teflon and me will agree that we are active people. We are not afraid of change (even when the change is thrust upon us) or taking our lives in new directions. We embrace change and challenge, welcoming them them into our lives.

Lately, we've been navigating a lot of exciting change. And it's been happening with such speed that, at times, I feel a bit conflicted about it.

Hmmm... Let me see... I don't think that my mind is really in conflict with itself. It is more that the effects of all the changes seem to contradict one another. Let me try to explain...

I have time, more or less
Up to three weeks ago, I had three different jobs that I juggled. I worked from home spending time on the phone and on my computer, I spent time in the playroom with my little friends, and I visited clients in the neighborhood.

Literally, overnight, it became impossible for me to do one of my jobs at home. On the spot I had to create a solution that entailed changing the schedule I'd so carefully crafted over the past twelve months. The new schedule requires Tef and me to drive to New Jersey every week to work from there. To be able to do this I had to change my playroom hours, which the parents graciously moved to the days when I am home.

All this means that I now have a seven-day work schedule instead of a six-day one. My belief was that this would mean a lot less personal time, but instead, I seem to have a lot more time during my days at home to accomplish the things or which I had no time before.

Higher Productivity?
During my time working in New Jersey, I seem to get a lot more done. I used to squeeze in two hours here and two hours there, but now I have long stretches of time to work. In the last week I've done more house admin and business related work than I've managed to do in a long time. It feels so very productive.

At the same time, I have not been writing blog articles and I've had to miss out on team meetings. I have not been able to implement consistent running workouts (yet). This feels so very unproductive!

Quality Time
I added about ten hours a week driving in cars (which could be seen as wasted time), but I also added about ten hours a week spending time with my hubby (yeah). During our drives, we have a lot of great conversations that stimulate new inspiring blogs (see Teflon's awesome articles written over the past couple of weeks) and stimulate our relationship.

By associating each job with a location, I now seem to have weekend. When I am at my job in New Jersey, I have weekend away from my time in the playroom. When I am at home in the Berkshires, I have a weekend of play with my little friends. I used to have a weekend just one day a week. Now I have a weekend every day!

Amazing Opportunities
Because of my job restrictions, I have explored new areas that were not on my list to explore. I have hiked mountains I had not expected to hike and I worked from places I would not have visited.

I have experienced views of nature so breathtaking that I have actually slowed down to take them in. I've enjoyed the sweet sea air walking the beach at sunrise and the warmth of the afternoon sun as it challenges the cool of the mountains. I took the pictures posted with this blog just a couple minutes walk from my "office" in New Jersey.

I've received warm support from friends and clients in the most unexpected and beautiful ways. Our friend Jonathan has embraced us sweetly welcoming us into his home, so we have a place to stay when we're traveling.

What is Next?
I have no idea what is next. The wind is blowing and the waves are churning; my little boat might end up anywhere. But I am enjoying the storm and all the wonderful opportunities it brings!

So let it come, let it go, I’m not holding on! Yippie!


  1. THX, this was very inspiring. And your photo reminds me of not having been to the sea in a long time (except the imaginary sea I often go to in the playroom).

  2. Sitting here one minute from the beach, I wish you were here with me so we could walk and talk together...


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