Thursday, April 15, 2010

Voided Love Contract

A gift is the transfer of something without the expectation of receiving something in return. - wikipedia
I see myself as a generous and giving person most of the time.  However there are a special few people who fall into a special category.  Let's say something significant happens in my life. Suzie, my dear friend, knows about it and doesn't check in with me about the effects of the happening. Suzie falls into that special category.  These people get to have higher expectations put on them.  So, for example, I would like my close friends to follow up with me about the things that happen in my life.  Another, more challenging example is my expectation that these special people will not not fulfill my expectations.  When this expectation is not met (i.e. when one of this special group does not meet an expectation of mine) I begin to shrink my love conduit (imagine a piece of tubing with a deepening constriction). It's like I pinch the tubing and my loving expressions become jumbled and strangled.  The purpose of this pinching is to highlight the unmet expectation.  The more unaware the person is of my changed behavior, the more pinched and strangled the tubing becomes.

The problem with strangled tubing is that it slows the flow in both directions.  Just a drip here, a drip there....Love neither flows in nor out.  Nurturing, supportive, satisfying, yummy feelings are nowhere to be found and I enjoy those feelings!  Plus, they are good for me too!  According to  sources, the experience of being loving can lower blood pressure, reduce heart disease, reduce stress and support immune function!  Loosening the tubing is worth it!

So did I somehow create a love contract for special people?  Why would I squeeze my loving expressions mechanism based on someone else's behavior?  Is my love delivered on a contractual basis?  If you do this, then I'm loving, but if you do that, I'm not?  That sounds like a love faucet.  On sometimes, off at others, trickling sometimes... 

I want some different mental pictures.  A river!  A waterfall, even!  I like that image.  Something strong, flowing, gushing.  I decided to visualize my love as a gift.  I'm separating my being loving from my wants. 

You don't have to do anything to get my love, and I don't need anything in return.

I have some gifts to give.  Some of the people who fall in that special category live in my house.  I'll start with them.

What is your love like? Is it a river or a faucet?  Does it trickle or gush? More importantly, what do you want it to be like?

Have a loving Thursday!

1 comment:

  1. I love you for posting this...Big Smile!
    My favorite quote by Samahria L Kaufman is "The one who love the most wins" - I truely want to grow this way of living bigger and bigger in my life. - it doesn't eliminate my wants or expactations - but it does eliminate a lot of attachments to the outcome.

    I'll make this day a day of focus on love.
    Lovingly
    Joy

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