Friday, February 19, 2010

Marathon (week 6)

Every Friday until November 7, 2010 you will find entries from a series written by Iris about her training to run the New York marathon in 2010. It is something she never aspired to do; she has never run a distance of more than 2 kilometers in her life. In this series she describes her adventures and how she works on her beliefs to transform her challenges and successes into one great experience.

Sometimes things seem easy, other times things seem hard. This week’s marathon training was very, very challenging. And I did quite some unhappiness during the week. Let me tell you...

Last week, after running the 5K in the cold and snow, I ended up with some painful tendons around my knees. I decided to take some rest, and do some replacement non-impact exercising for a couple of days. My theory behind it: by giving the injury time to heal it would disappear.

But it didn’t. Instead it got worse: an irritation that only shows when I run, not when I cycle or use the elliptical machine. And with the persistent irritation, I became persistently more irritated, frustrated and grumpy...

Dragging Up the Past
You have to know that this pain reminds me of something that happened when I was in my teens.

At fifteen, I began to experience similar pain during the summer holidays and it did not go away until I was in my twenties. My dad bought me a moped for my sixteenth birthday, which helped me to go with my friends to the beach, and easily go to school. Everyone on the bike, while I followed by moped.

I remember an outing with my boyfriend’s family where my boyfriend drove me around in a wheelchair. I remember months of not being able to walk from one side of the living room to the other side, and I remember lots of pain when moving from one classroom to the next.

Gone but Not Forgotten
When the pain disappeared, the whole experience disappeared from my mind. Over the last years, I never ever revisited this time of my life. That injury was past, I got over it and I filed the memories under "case closed".

When the pain showed up over the weekend, it pulled open this world of emotions, pain and beliefs from the past that I had never thought to revisit. A fresh new area of beliefs I have not challenged, not explored, and not worked with. What a great playground for a mentor.

Keep It Closed!
Hmmm... My first response was to close that door again quickly. When being in "mentor mode" exploring beliefs is the most incredible thing to do, but there are clearly moments in which I would rather try alternative paths. Instead of looking at my beliefs related to my teenage years and seeing how they influence my response to this current challenge, I focused this week on how to take care of my physical body properly. I googled the injury, started with strengthening exercises, changed my training schedule, etc. I learned a lot this week about how to better take care of my body, but the learning didn't improve my mental outlook. I have now a good structure in place to get my body back on the rails without physical pain, but my head is holding on to "grrrrrrrrrrrrhhhhhhhh"

What an Opportunity!
So, while writing this blog I started to realize that it is time to start cleaning my closet and to clear the dust bins scatter through my head. I believe that this week's physical challenge is independent from what happened in my teenage years, but my response of frustration and irritation is so much bigger that this situation alone merits. Even though I used shortcut belief changes this week instead of the Dialogue, they have not been sufficient to overcome my unhappiness and frustration.

Time for a Dialogue
Sometimes the things that really bother us are not the things that are most obvious. Once I heard on a teacher say: in the end it all comes down to "Why am I afraid to die?"

So this week I will dig and dialogue and work, and then afterward, I'll share with you what is on my mind. Anyone interested in exchanging some dialogues with this mentor over the phone over the next days? Send me an email if you are interested in mutual exchanges.

Next weeks blog will follow up with details about my cleaning process!

Have a great week!

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