Saturday, November 14, 2009

Focusing on what I want

written by Barbara Balla

It is so easy to go with the thousands of thoughts that race through our minds and get distracted all the time. It is also easy to go with the negative thoughts and get caught up in them.

Sometimes I catch myself  being distracted with my worries. In these moments I want to look closer at the thing I am worrying about, because, "I'd better worry well to solve it!" But it definitely does not help. From worrying I just get in a spiral of negative thoughts inviting negative beliefs, and I go deeper and deeper into my worrying.

Well, I figured out this isn't the way that takes me to happiness!

Focussing on my wants
So my new strategy, which works very nicely, is: focusing on what I want, identifying the beliefs that are in the way of believing that I can get what I want and gathering evidence of why I can have it. This process surely feels so much better. And knowing the wonderful  philosophy of happiness: wanting things is very different from needing things. It's so much easier to go for what I want when I don’t attach negative emotions and outcomes to it.

Strengthen our beliefs
As a volunteer at a personal development institute in the berkshires we were taught to gather evidence to strengthen our new beliefs. I didn’t really see the huge benefit of doing this. I was thinking once I changed a belief it should stick and I should (of course I should - it was one of my most used words back then) be able to use it all the time!

Since then I have realized strengthening a new belief is so important.

I understand that we use a belief over and over again every day, and that a belief has lots of situations connected to it. It created such a well-traveled path in my brain, than the belief can drive its little car without a driver. The wheels of the car made deep tire treads in the road, so even a big wind can't divert it.

Its up to me to help my new belief take this road and settle into the tire marks, so it can take the road by itself.

My way of doing it
Every time a situation arises where I use my old belief, I stop and think about how I would like to feel in this situation. I think about what I really want and remember my new belief that gets me there, and then I look for evidence that supports my new belief.

The more I consciously stop and replace the old belief with the new one, and support it with evidence, the easier it gets not to go back to the old belief. I used to be discouraged when I used an old belief and I would get myself unhappy, just to help myself to even deeper unhappiness. I would really discourage and judge myself. Knowing that it takes time and conscious effort to strengthen the new belief helps me now to have fun with it and be easy with myself.

Focussing on my wants
When I focus on the difficulties of my wants I totally loose sight of my wants and start engaging beliefs that are stop me from doing what I want. But when I focus directly on my wants, and pay no attention to the difficulties, I seem to fly towards my want.

Lately I have just been going for my wants. When things come up along the way, it is so much easier to solve these challenges because I am easy with myself and have fun with the challenges. They actually stop being challenges and become training opportunities. I training my new beliefs and I can quickly go back to focusing on my wants.

Challenges are fun
So how do I create fun with the challenges: by treating them as friends, who help me grow stronger in my happiness. I can say hi to them, welcome them into my life, offer them a cup of tea and playfully figure out how we can depart with love. Also I can tell them how much I appreciate them for helping me and actually I don’t need them any more.

Wow, the world is such a wonderful place with all these different friends (the challenges) in it, who help us grow!

Thank you, my lovely challenge buddies!


  1. Hi Barbara,
    I have encouraged some of our co-participants from last weeks programe to read this blog - it is so true: keep reinforcing what we want ánd the beliefs supporting this.

    I have made what feels like a major quantum leap for myself by not looking at challenges how friendly they might seem - but search for opportunities. I wanna live in this "WOW, this came up for me - and there is so many ways I can go with it, it just have to pick one".

    Thanks for reminding me.


  2. It seems to me there is a fork in the path when one considers wants. We can engage ourselves on the path of fear/doubt, worry/concern, or, choose to dive-in completely to the path of focusing/exploring WHAT MORE one can do to experience the results we connect with when achieving our wants. One can only go in one direction. Choose to Choose bw


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