Thursday, August 27, 2009

Setting Up Prerequisites

As I relate different events in my head, they evolve into some kind of mutually dependent event sequence So a is related to b which is related to c. I translate this to first a, then b, then c. In the end, it results in a situation where I can't even think of going for c before I have gotten to a and b.

Walking Before We Run
Most of us know that it might me easier to learn to run if you know how to walk, it might be easier to learn to play basketball if you know how to throw and to catch a ball.

If I want to run a marathon, it makes sense to decide to first run a 5k, then a 10k, and a then half marathon.

Does it make sense to decide to buy new shoes before I start running? Or, will the running inspire me to get the shoes?

A friend of mine just moved to a French speaking country and he argued that he will first learn the language and then apply for a job. I thought that getting a job would make it much easier to learn the language.

If you were to move to France would you:
1. a) learn the language and then, b) move to the country, or

2. a) move to the country and then, b) learn the language
The reason for approach 1 could be that knowing the language would make it easier to integrate in the country, it might be easier to get a job and get friends.

The reason for approach 2 could be that living in the country and having people around you who spoke the language could make it easier to learn the language.

Sometimes you have to make choices, and take approach 1 and other times, approach 2.

In My Life
An example is my life: I want to have a better health, an interesting, well paid job, and a fantastic life partner. So let's call them a, b and c...

a) great health
b) an interesting, well-paid job
c) a life partner

Remember, now that I've associated these, I've also decided that they occur in sequence. First a) great health, then b) interesting, well-paid job, and then c) a life partner.

In order to get a great health, I decided that I need to change my eating habits, work out and meditate; this will result in more energy and happiness (that's a belief, but let's not question it for now).

To get "the" job, I need to network, look in to the job market, send resumes and go to interviews. I have a belief that my chances of getting the job I want are greater if I am energized, so I decided that a) great health must precede b) job.

BUT, I could also make up that long hours in front of a computer doing analysis lead to a higher consumption of coffee resulting in lower motivation for work outs and meditations. When I feel excited, I often naturally feel an urge to eat fruits and vegetables (which I see as healthy); I feel like running, dancing, swimming and I often meditate on love and happiness.

So in my mind I have built the relationship first a then b; it could as well have been the other way.

What About C
When I think about how it would be to be to in a relationship with a life partner, my first thought is happiness. I see myself being "the best version of me", and I see both of us developing the best version of ourselves. We'd grow it stronger day by day.

I have created this belief that, when I live a healthy life and when I am enthusiastic and happy about my work (which I could chose to be in the job I have, but I do not always do that as a way to motivate me to change -- one day), THEN I will be more likely to attract the kind of man I want to share my life with. In other words: when a AND b THEN c comes easier.

BUT: if I found a perfect partner, I might be inspired to create better health and/or explore better work-life possibilities. I would have someone to help me, inspire me, give me feedback. This would make it easier to go for and get what I really, really wanted.

I could even argue that getting c AFTER a and b will mean losing a and b. What if I meet someone who lives in another country? Holding onto b would be asking him to move rather than me being flexible? What if I meet someone who lives with incompatible habits when it comes to health? Would I want to give up my newly developed habits?

Maybe it would be better for me to change or even drop the required order I've created.

The Terrible Truth

Well here comes the (terrible) truth:

I don't dare to change the order of events; the sequence is not set by the reasons I just gave you. Those are just reasons I keep telling myself in order to stick to the decision I already made. The real reason for my ordering is... you wanna hear it? Get ready... here it comes... It's FEAR!

It's the fear of wanting something and not being able to get it. (Why did I take the Fearless program only once? I even came in as the second most fearless person in the program; I must have been either hiding my fears or among VERY fearful people!!!).

My ordering is determined by where I feel the most in control. The health issue is pretty much in my own hands since I eat and I move etc., whereas b and c depend on other people.

What Are Your Prerequisites?
I hope that this will inspire you to look at how you establish dependencies, order events, and so on. See if you make up reasons that sound reasonable, but don't really reflect the underlying reason for your decision.

I have decided that I want to change my way of thinking fundamentally, but that is a totally new subject... which is not dependent of this.


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