Monday, July 20, 2009

Radical Openness and Radical Gratitude

Today I "spoke" to three of the four best friends I’ve ever had in my life. This led me to want to talk to the other one, Lynne, but she was on a bike ride, so no dice—LOL!

Each of these encounters/moments was completely filled with a sense of such love flowing from me and to me that I just had to revel in the total sense of absolute gratitude for the blessings I receive in my life! All of these moments happened in quick succession and were totally unrelated and completely unexpected, but as I look back, they all stemmed from one common position: I'm open to everything (can also be phrased as: I don't know every damn thing!)

First I was on Facebook and a quick chat with my friend Rachel turned into an instant "Brialogue", I ask questions in a "Brian way!

At one point, Rachel messaged: "oh, i feel so loved by you right now". I stopped in my tracks and just enjoyed how much I was, in fact, loving her in that moment. Wow, how awesome that simple, deep feeling was!

Then I reminded her about an email she sent me that I used to alter the direction of my life from that moment forward: "mmmmm...good, 'cause i am SO LOVING you right now! i will truly, Rachel hear this, TRULY and ETERNALLY be grateful to you for sending me that email--it gave me awareness to focus on what i truly want from my life...every moment...living with passion, and i CONSTANTLY go back to that over and over to renew my focus in life..." The focus to live with passion in everything that I do.

In the midst of the Brialogue, the woman I am deeply and passionately in love with, Mary, popped in on Skype to post her memories of my death in two past lives we shared. (Just for fun: what is your exact thought at this moment?)

I told her I was in the middle of a dialogue and would read her posts as soon as I was done. Then I read the posts. Ahhhhh, so full of visual clarity, and sweet, connected, loving letting go:

"…I looked out of the window and saw the green fields and our tree, I promised you to be always with you. I promised you to be with you for ever and to be sailing away with you on the wings of the wind, on the fields, in the rains of which you always told me that these were the joyful tears of God, a gift to the earth. I love you deeply, I said, while your soul is floating away from me, on its own way back to the Light. I push my nose into your hair, to sense the smell of your hair once more and breathe in… On the same moment I do this, your last breath is done. You blow out your candle, uniting power and loss at the same time, I promise you we are together and I will be going to find you, someday I will."

God I LOVE this woman!!! Totally and completely and without even the slightest reservation and I tell her so. And I tell her: "I'm copying and pasting your words into the blog, so beautiful and loving, and i’m crying tears of joy and gratitude all over again…" It will be so wonderful to finally get to meet her. You see, we have chosen to absolutely be passionately in love with each other through emails, instant messaging and Skype calls without ever having met.

Just as my interaction with Mary was ending, the best friend I’ve ever had in my life, Karen, who had put on a Keith Urban CD earlier, heard the song "Making Memories Of Us", came in from working outside, silently sat down next to me, and leaned her back onto me as I wrapped my arm around her, and we just sat there together listening to the beauty of this song.

I'm gonna be here for you baby
And I'll be a man of my own word
Speak the language in a voice that you have never heard
I wanna sleep with you forever
And I wanna die in your arms
In a cabin by a meadow where the wild bees swarm


What makes this moment even more special is that Karen and I used to be romantic partners: up to this moment the best love relationship I've ever been in. She also knows that I'm going to die in the arms of my lover in the porch swing in front of my riverfront house in Montana.

A little later, I pulled her away from her work, gave her a sweet, loving hug, and told her: "Thank you for that wonderful moment. You are such a gift to me and I am so grateful to have you in my life. I love you very, very much."

So what's the commonality? None of these moments would have happened if I had not fired my internal "censor" and been open to everything—including things most people would think of as "inappropriate" or "weird".

Rachel is one of my great friends and she has taught me so much about how to be in a constant state of looking at myself and about not holding back in friendships. Also, she's 22 and I'm 46. Most people tend to believe that someone less than half their age has nothing to teach them, but because I don't believe that, I've gotten the gift of learning, from her, so much about how I want to be in the world.

From Mary, wow, so many things to be gained from being open to anything! Learning that love is not about proximity (although we are both off-the-charts excited about getting to be together): that it's about being open, authentic, accepting, loving, all that good stuff!

That can happen no matter where you are in the world! Learning that it's about this moment, and that even if we meet and it doesn't work out, these moments have been real love. Learning that I don't know if past lives exist, but right now I don’t need to know that to be able to live those moments with her…to feel what that moment was like, and just love it and be deeply grateful for it.

And with Karen to be open to finding love within the 5 days we first had together—the only 5 days we would have had if both of us were not open to sharing our lives so deeply so quickly. And being able to continue to deepen our friendship after the romance ended and not be afraid to hug, hold, love each other, just as friends.

What are some areas of your life where you are not open to all the possibilities, whether because you believe they are not possible or because others might think you were "weird"?

Which areas, if you opened up to all the possibilities, could provide you with a richer, fuller life?

And, in which areas of your life are you totally grateful for, but not yet expressive of the love you have for those around you?

I challenge you this week to: 1) do one thing you would have been afraid to do in the past, and 2) express open, full gratitude to one person to whom you have not fully expressed it! Then come back and post your experiences here as comments.

With deep love and gratitude to each of you who reads this, you are a part of my benevolent universe...

Brian

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