Thursday, July 2, 2009

I am facinated by Michael Jackson

I wrote this post one or two days before the dead of Michael Jackson - and I have chosen to change part of it. Which is interesting to me: why do I want to talk in a different manner about people who are dead than I do about people alive? I asked myself: do I really want to change this post? And I decided: yes, I will change it. When someone is dead I have a tendency to be more accepting and understanding without compromising my own authenticity - and I want to do the same with living people!

A few days before the dead of Michael Jackson I watched a documentary about him. A documentary I had seen before and which also was shown again after his dead. I was fascinated each time I saw it.

What feeling did you have when you saw Michael Jackson? Were you terrified by the look of his face? Did his talent inspire you? Did you see the charming kid in Jackson Five? Did you see "the white ghost-like" appearance?

Michael Jackson has had an extraordinary life. No doubt about that, but when it comes to all the details it's hard to tell what is history and what is make believe. Even when we make a list of "facts" it's difficult to grasp it. He made enough money to build his own Neverland – the place where all the lost boys go. According to the story it is the kids who fall out of their baby carriage in Kensington gardens, without notice of their nannies– who will go to Neverland. I love the story about Peter Pan, and I think it is fantastic that someone wants to live in Neverland. It reminds me that sometimes there is little difference between dream, life and fantasy.

Even at Neverland there are dangers - but which dangers are real and which are imaginary? Is captain Hook dangerous or is he not? He never seems to win the battle.

Before the dead of Michael Jackson I thought that he would always be remembered as the guy who was accused of child abuse, regardless of the good things he did for kids. Now I'm not so sure. The Michael Jackson we remember died long time ago. He lived in the 80's and made history with his music and his performance.

I was fascinated because the story of Michael Jackson which was so full of facts - presented with seemingly sensible casual effects - and yet I had a feeling of not knowing how to make sense of it.

And this is what was fascinating to me: why did I want to make sense of it? Why did I want to make sense of a story that didn't seem to have much effect on my life - except for the fact that we both liked Peter Pan?

I put it in the past sense because I decided to stop it - not the fascination of a great artist but the hunting for information that would help me decide what was true or false. I have decided to use my fast logic and just decide what I believe and what I don't. I realized that I am free to judge a person or a behavior - but I am also free to forget about it. I'm free to decide if I want to let children sleep on the floor so I can use my bed - and I'm free to decide to be loving towards kids without ever kissing them. It's all my choices.

The last few days I have been enjoying his happy music. And I hope that I will always stay fascinated his stage performance.

Love Joy

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