Sunday, May 10, 2009

What makes us BIG?

What makes us BIG?

Sometimes I have a "Dutch" experience. One of them was this week with my good friend Beverly. We hang out on her porch in the morning sun with a cup of tea and we talked about all kinds of random stuff. Nothing planned; nothing prepared; just a spontaneous conversation about us, our work, or loved ones and anything else interesting that comes to mind. It was a very intimate and sweet time together which reminded me of me of past times with my Dutch friends hanging out in their gardens with tea..

One of the subjects we got into was: how do people get most out of their lives? For example: Beverly is not only an amazing teacher and mentor; she also started a business a couple of years ago with her husband called FrannyToo. And I'm not only a life transition counselor starting a new business. For the first time in my life I sing in a band, share my written songs with others, work in playrooms with autistic children and do a lot of other things I have never done before.

So, one of the questions we tried to answer while together was: "What beliefs and attitude does someone hold who is perceived by others as big?" We didn't mean physically big, but being big in getting everything out of life! Below you can find the list I created at home after our conversation:

Big people:
1. believe they can do anything and they can get what they want
2. are fearless
3. know that not everyone has to agree with their ideas
4. are always open to learning new things
5. not only like but seek challenges
6. are open to new and changing possibilities
7. are not distracted by the future or the past

My friend Jonathan's motto is "how hard can it be"? And this attitude has helped him to do amazing things with medical devices.

Tell me, are you big in your life? Which points mentioned above resonate with you being big? Do you have other ways in which you are big? Do you want to be big?


  1. Until last week I believed in right and wrong - and this created a lot of fear - I constantely had to "figure it all out" - and I believe that this has been my biggest reason for not showing up big in my life.

    I believe that "big" people are not concerned about "right or wrong" - they are concerned about wants and not wants - and it makes a huge difference.

    As I read the blog I realised: At times I AM BIG! Thank you, Iris, I didn't recognize it before.
    Some people are amazed about some of the things I do. I signed up for the new york marathon even if I hadn't been running for 5 years, I speak danish, english, french and I understand some dutch, german, swedish and norwegian - and I used to beleive that I could never learn languages (I'm a math person) - when I wanted to learn to teach I touhgt in primary school, high school and set up classes in eveningschools.

    So at times I am being big - and I want to live my life bigger - not by trying to be big - but by going for what I want and what I like - and by letting go of the past and the future as parameters for what is possible.

    Thank you Iris - this was really a great inspiration for me.

    Llove Joy

  2. (wrote this before noting Joy's post)
    What resonates with me Iris, about those that choose bigness rather than smallness in their experience of
    a) ultimately they recognize value in it for themselves to do so. Without there "seeing" 'something in it for oneself,' there is likely little motivation.

    Big people: (my notes to your points)
    1. believe they can do anything and they can get what they want
    2. are fearless (therefore secure enough to not need approval)
    3. know that not everyone has to agree with their ideas.
    (are comfortable with what another says, thinks, is really not their business)
    4. are always open to learning new things (not simply open, but motivated)
    5. not only like but seek challenges
    6. are open to new and changing possibilities (self-motivated in recognition of value to them in growing)
    7. are not distracted by (what?unhappiness? disappointment?)(about) the future or the past.
    For me it is all about disposition, or attitude, how one decides to judge themselves or their past.

  3. And Joy, what you shared is a big, huge, realization.

    It always seems to puzzle me how people can parade their past, as justification for not being fully present.....its as if there is some element of incomplete forgiveness of oneself perhaps,.....i really don't pretend to know. All I do know is life, as we experience it, moment to moment, is a 'do it to ourself situation,' and chooseable. bw


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