Thursday, May 28, 2009

Deciding not to decide...

Today I have decided to free myself from judgements about decision making. You see, I have a bit of a reputation for being indecisive. Everyone important in my life has their own perspective as to why I am indecisive. One of my personal favorites is that I hesitate in making decisions out of fear of "getting it wrong". There is definitely some truth to this as I really like to be right. Another perspective is that I am a "free spirit" and like to keep my options open. This is also true as I enjoy the flexibility of the moment and the freedom to do different things at different times. Others call me a procrastinator. This is also true as I have always enjoyed the intensity of time to ignite a fire within me. I am a smart, free spirit, procrastinator who relishes in the joys of possibility! I really like these qualities about myself. So why have I been judging myself about these qualities I love?

Why do we judge ourselves about things we actually like about ourselves? This has proven to be a very insightful question for me. As I continue to reflect on who I am and who I want to be, I realize more and more that I make lots of decisions based on what I believe others will approve of verses what I really want. It is this internal conflict about what I want and what I think others will want that actually stalls my decision making. The decision itself is not my challenge, it is caring what other people think of my decision that seems to be the issue.

Do we ever really know what most people think? What percentage of the people that we interact with throughout our lives are truly authentic? How much of our decision making is based on something we made up about how others will think or feel?

Up until today, I have been trying to find a way to improve my speed of decision making. Ironically, I couldn't decide how best to do it. Now I know, trust myself first and the decisions will come.

Love to all,
Kathy

3 comments:

  1. Hahahaha, when reading the sentence "I am a smart, free spirit, procrastinator who relishes in the joys of possibility!" I laughed out loud. I LOVE IT!

    As a friend I would love to know what things you believe you are procrastinating on? Ahh, I can already see a interesting dinner discussion coming up!

    Let me also share a reason that I have to procrastinate: What seems to be important today, is probably totally irrelevant tomorrow! For example: I'm corresponding by email with someone about different ways in which we can work and support each other businesses. We're both weighing different options and look at the situation from different angles. Then I receive an email from that person that makes me realize that we have totally different ideas and beliefs about maybe almost everything(!) and I decide not to work with this person! The six weeks of talking and interacting have been relevant and interesting in different ways, but it is not important anymore today :-)

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  2. ha..it can still be an important source of happiness, in the realization appreciably that it brought you to where you are 'today.'

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  3. I believe that we judge what we like because we believe that it would be less painfull to hear other judge it, if we already judged it first.

    So we even want to be right about the things we don't believe!

    I'm teaching my self to stop valuating my wants through the rigthness of them - which pretty much comes down to your suggestion: trust yourself first!

    You are a great inspiration, thanks

    Joy

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